every second minute hour or day that passes is another part of me that loses light. for a moment it seemed alright. you were there and it was still us. and i knew that at the end of all this i would eventually come home to you. but if all of this were true then why do i feel further away from you. just hold on a little longer. but the longer i wait the more i feel pain and not love. love is a choice, they say. so let this be mine.
to the baby,
who was born out of the strength of her mother
who was held and wrapped with love
who saw the sky for the first time
to the child,
who felt and fell on the ground before ever rising from it
who looked at the world with big eyes
who spoke of things she read from books
to the girl,
who asked questions
who hated her body
who cried and laughed
who grew up
to the young woman,
who saw the world for what it truly is
who heard things that built and broke her
who gave her heart
who sacrificed her passion
who lost herself
who struggled to find the light again
to the woman,
who gives everything
who smiles with tears in her eyes
who is finding her way back
who continues to get up with every sunrise after all that she has been through
this is for you.
have a drink of your favorite beverage.
read a page, a chapter, a book, or two.
look up and thank your god for being able to breathe today.
then close your eyes, take deep slow breaths, rest under your blanket,
and allow yourself to sleep.
you did what you can today.
i wanted to ask him if he could tell me something good,
but then i looked up and saw that
his eyes were nearly shut.
he was holding me close
with both his arms;
whispered like a feather, “my love.“
this isn’t something good,
it’s much more than that.
how crazy is it that we go from living our lives together everyday to not being able to see and feel each other for months on end;
how crazy is it that i have to hang on to the last words i heard from you on the phone, or the last photo i took of you, or the only shirt i have that’s yours, or the last memory i have of us, which at this point, is as vague as last night’s dream;
how crazy is it that i’m still here, waiting for a miracle to arrive
my body is in constant war between what i want
and what i think is right for me
and when every bone in my body aches for you
and every pulse builds myself up for the inevitable
you with all your gentleness
and with all your love
look me in my eyes
hold my hands close to your chest
and in that moment i simply know that
that is all it takes
and allow myself
to come home to you
Art by @butterflyyboy
it is unhealthy for the mind and heart
to give so much of yourself
and let all your passions out in a cry
to people who cannot fathom the way you endure
Art by @butterflyyboy
give it all that you’ve got,
but don’t forget to give to yourself too
because what good will all of it do
if the one person who sees the world for all the good it has
and makes everyone around her see that good
can’t even live in the light herself?
— you can only carry so much.
Art by @butterflyyboy
my thoughts are difficult to gather
my words are getting way too ahead of themselves to form the right thing to say
but there is no one right thing to say, is there?
when you’re around me
i lose myself
and whether or not this is a good or bad thing
i wouldn’t have it any other way
it’s a funny thing
when the doors close and you leave my side
i find myself back to the where i was in the beginning
my thoughts racing
my heart aching
my mind goes back to those quiet seconds
when all i feel is your
lips touching that soft spot on my neck
hands gently touching my back
soft breath moving against my skin
it pulls me closer in every way
now i’m left with thoughts of you with nothing to hold onto
stay with me and let me love you in every way
— you don’t know it, but you bring me to my knees just by doing the bare minimum
and warm conversations about the sky, the ground, and everything in between
you take a deep breath
and i brush my hair back and look up
you take a sip of your drink
and feel the warmth flowing down your chest
our eyes meet
and i see the light of the moon reflecting back at me
in this moment, you smile at me
and i let out a soft laugh for the way everything falls right where it should
this sound night
— there’s no other way i’d have it.