feeling the sand beneath me
and looking out at the vastness that is the ocean,
i take deep breaths
and simply exist.
floating and moving in the water
and feeling the subtle changes in its current,
i am here
and this is what makes me feel alive.
moments like these
are comforting and humbling.
i am reminded of how little i am
beside the ocean that goes on and on.
just carry me with you,
and i will go wherever your currents take me.
there will come a time when i get to wake up to the sound of the sea
i will write,
i will surf,
i will live,
and i will be happy.
but until then,
i will be holding on to my last memory of it all.
what a beautiful yet complex thing, the ocean.
at first glance it’s just a body of water,
a single shade, and the sound of waves.
but as i spend more time in it,
i realize how so many forces go into
its very existence.
as gravity and the winds
create its currents;
alive and breathing
as the forces of the sun and moon
allow the rise and fall of its tides.
and it keeps going.
it was a quarter past 6,
and dinner just ended.
the boys and i slipped out the building
to breathe in some fresh air.
all around us
were trees and fields that stretched out
until our eyes could see.
we walked along an uphill path
with no particular destination in mind.
i looked back,
and i could see the gothic facades
getting smaller and smaller.
at the top of the hill,
we could see everything
we sat on the grass,
passed some cigarettes,
and looked at the horizon.
as moments passed,
the colors of the sky got closer
to a warm tone resembling a persimmon’s skin.
we sat there quietly
watching the sun set into the line of trees.
i remember this memory vividly.
in that moment,
i took a deep breath
and wished that our time there could last forever.
— a weight was lifted from my shoulders
to do more,
to live with less;
these are all but arbitrary.
how does one measure
or begin to fully grasp
the idea of mediocrity?
what is significant to me —
things i want to do, places i want to see
may not carry the same weight for you.
while this may be true,
i simply feel the need to put this into writing:
i refuse to live a life short of
a sense of adventure,
love — my god, love.
because what is life if not to embrace it and live in all that it is?
every second minute hour or day that passes is another part of me that loses light. for a moment it seemed alright. you were there and it was still us. and i knew that at the end of all this i would eventually come home to you. but if all of this were true then why do i feel further away from you. just hold on a little longer. but the longer i wait the more i feel pain and not love. love is a choice, they say. so let this be mine.